Hiding behind the veil

I write this story to myself. Because I just learned that to have an emotional impact, you have to anchor your story to someone. This someone in this story is me.

I have this feeling inside of me — a sense of contradiction, of chaos, out of balance.

Today, I impulsively decided to get my first dose of the Covid vaccine after months and months of fighting (in conversations with people in my close circle) against it.

It seems contradictory.

It seems that I am not living my truth.

But let me give you a bit of context.

Last Wednesday, September 8th, 2021, Switzerland gave the official order to require a Covid vaccination certification for restaurants, museums, gyms, cinemas, etc. And later on, The University of Lausanne (UNIL) and the Swiss Polytechnic School of Lausanne (EPFL) adopted the same requirements.

I work at EPFL.

This concerned me.

I am incubating my start-up at EPFL.

I cannot afford to get kicked out because of a bloody vaccine.

What do I do?

My solution was to get vaccinated.

As soon as possible.

It’s one dose — I argued to myself.

Having had Covid last March 2020 (one of the first cases in Switzerland), I knew only one dose was required.

So I went and got a shot. Trust me. I did not want to do it. I felt forced by my government. I felt forced by the people who were supposedly there to take care of me. It was not my decision.

I have fought against all kinds of arguments.

People have told me I am not thinking about others, that I have to protect others, that I am selfish and inconsiderate.

And they have told me this without conviction (to be honest).

Whenever I refuse, they say it’s scientific.

Whenever I say science is about not believing what they tell you, they say I believe in conspiracy theories.

But that doesn’t matter anymore, because I got the vaccine now.

I cannot say any of these things now.

Because I am not credible.

Because I am not who I say I am.

At the first shot, someone (the government) took at my freedom; I ran back to the safety net.

I feel threatened, and I take the easy route. I don’t stand for what I preach and believe. I don’t stand for my convictions and take the easy way.

What a wuss — I tell myself.

But wait…

Let’s back up a bit.

I just learned another new thing this week. It’s called re-framing. I had already used it in my life, but without consciously knowing, I could use it to alter my emotional state.

Because to be honest, right now, I am not feeling very good about myself.

Re-framing is taking any narrative or story you tell yourself and framing it in a way that is useful to you.

For example.

I got the vaccine. That’s a fact. But instead of feeling bad about myself. I can frame this narrative as something constructive.

And this is what I came out with:

After getting the vaccine, no one out there can tell me the things they used to.

It’s OK.

I gave in.

I got vaccinated.

Moderna, if you were curious about it.

You won.

But now, it’s my time to play. And say what I think about this whole Covid thing.

I think it’s all a show. Like a reality TV, all big and impressive, and this and that. Full of fear, full of panic, masks everywhere, hand sanitizers everywhere.

Yes, it’s infectious.

Yes, it can be deadly.

Yes, it has killed people.

But let’s for one moment think about the possibility that (even though I am not saying Covid is neither infectious nor dangerous) there are worse things out there. Things that are not getting the attention they require.

I don’t see the media or the government pushing people to find a solution to climate change, to fuel depletion, to suicides, to depression, to loss of meaning, to poverty. I don’t see them mobilizing trillions of dollars to produce a “cure” for any mentioned issues.

And that is a fact.

So please, consider this fact for a bit. And understand the issue is broader than that only Covid.

But now, it’s worse. Because after Covid, we will be divided, afraid, disconnected, isolated, violated in our freedom.

Remember, I got the vaccine. I got to play by your rules.

So let me finish before you start rambling and fighting against me.

There are two things I should do. Two challenges I want to tackle.

The first one is the undeniable disconnection we will have after this show is over (if it is over one day).

What can I do to make this better? — I think to myself.

Well, I can be the best version of myself. I can give good energy to people. I can give more and ask for less. I can make your day a little bit better. I can look to have a connection (as small as it may be) with every person (or most of them) that cross my paths. I can go a bit outside myself to make someone else feel better about themselves.

After all, no one is having a good time going through this thing.

The second thing I can and will do is look at the fundamental issues we face. I will make sure to take action and not wait for anyone to start anything. I will start it by myself. I am the catalyst. You are the catalyst. You want change, then fucking be the change. Please, don’t wait for someone to do it. Do it yourself.

That’s all I have to say for now. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. I hope I can inspire you to take a look at the real issues hiding behind the veil.